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Sex Tapes and Sportsmanship

Yeah, you read that right. Not only are kids taping themselves having sex (sooo dumb), but they are making the tapes part of their sports team's culture. In one case, making the tape may have been part of a "tradition." In another, it was covered up because of a team's standing in the community -- adults and other students pretended the problem didn't exist, even when the sex tape showed rape.

But the entitlement and sexism that causes sex tapes to be made and distributed does exist and it's a big deal because it wrecks the very concept of sportsmanship by destroying lives through sport instead of enhancing them.

Here are three situations to think about.

1) Minnesota high school hockey -- This month, almost half of Maple Grove High School's hockey team starters were suspended for two games for undisclosed reasons. The very few people who have opened up about the situation indicate it might have to do with the alleged viewing party of an alleged sex tape. School officials are not commenting and no charges have been filed. Read full story here. (startribune.com)

However, when all the suspended players returned to the ice, they were greeted with cheers. Michael Kaszuba and Dennis Brackin of the StarTribune wrote: "Despite the loss, Stefano [the coach] said, the team vibe had the feel of a recent six-game winning streak. 'Guys were positive and eager to get back on the ice and play some hockey,' he said."


"In an e-mail Vernig [a school official] sent to parents of high school students earlier Thursday, she wrote that the action plan is 'a work in progress. Changing culture will require time, and I assure you that we will take every opportunity to create learning opportunities so that we can influence future behavior.'
"During the news conference, Vernig said that kids 'make dumb decisions sometimes,' then was asked if this wasn't something more serious.
"'There's a lot of work that needs to be done here when we talk about character, when we talk about community, when we talk about integrity, when we talk about responsibility and respect,' she said."

I think the first place to start is maybe not reward the behavior of the players who were suspended. Right? Don't those players need to work a little harder at earning back the respect of adults, peers, young women, and their sport, than just missing two games? Should they really be welcomed back as if they're on a winning streak? I guess so, if "winning" is defined by trampling ethics and morals and perpetuating the sexification of young women.

1) DeMatha Catholic High School football (Maryland) -- In this situation, no sex tapes have emerged (although you gotta believe there are some). Instead, three members of the football team, while out of town for a game, decided to order up some prostitutes for a 5 a.m. booty call. What I find interesting about this situation is that some parents were very quick to blame the chaperones on the trip, rather than the kids themselves. Read full story here.

"'My concern is where were the coaches and chaperones and how did this happen?' the parent said. 'These are boys, you should have been on them, knocking on their doors...Why are there [18] coaches at this hotel and kids are able to sneak three prostitutes in at 5 a.m?'"

My questions about this situation are a) Why is it so important to travel around for high school football? b) Why aren't the parents who are quick to cast stones looking at the kids' culpability? c) How would that parent have felt if his/her son didn't get any sleep because the chaperones were so busy knocking on doors all night? (Not good, I'm guessing.)

Arguably, this situation may not involve the culture of a team or a school. Instead, it might just be three teenage boys who felt entitled to break the rules. But, one should ask if they felt that entitlement because they are on a nationally-recognized football team -- one that is, unfortunately, even more well-known now.

3) Steubenville Ohio's high school football team -- This situation is the epitome of how sports and a sports culture can ruin lives. In this case, two football players allegedly raped an unconscious 16-year-old girl, recorded it, and somehow it got leaked to the internet. By accident -- not by whistleblowers. See this video of the story. See this piece in Ms. Magazine.

Michael Kimmel, in Ms. Magazine, wrote "They did what they did because they felt entitled to, because they knew they could get away with it. Because they knew that their coaches, their families, their friends, their teammates and the police department--indeed, the entire town would rally around them and protect them from the consequences of what they've done." 

That's the problem, isn't it? The adults in some of these kids' lives would rather circle the wagons and protect/support their investment (read: son) than look at the issues of entitlement, sexism, and elitism.

It has to stop if we want the youth and high school sports culture to become a place where our kids feel safe and learn valuable lessons about being good citizens. As a parent of two teenage boys, I've talked to them both about never, never, EVER taking pictures of or videotaping any type of "act," even if it's just kissing. I hope I'm too early to give them that warning (and that they listened more carefully than usual), but they need to understand the ramifications of treating others with disrespect and then showing the online world how awesome it is.

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