Gun Violence and Sports Violence: Power Plays with Devastating Outcomes

On December 14, 2012, shortly after the violence at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut, a mother named Sharon Watts started a group called "One Million Moms 4 Gun Control." By the end of February, 2013, the group had over 80 chapters across the country and at least one in each state. They also renamed themselves "Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America." Their mission is to get legislators to enact sensible gun laws to protect families.

As I watched that organization grow and get traction in the national conversation about violence in the U.S., I couldn't help but wonder if sports violence is a problem just as an insidious, but not as visible.

In a great piece authored by Ismat Abdal-Haqq for the ERICDigests.org (Educational Research Information Clearinghouse), he explores sports violence in our society. Two of his findings are that there are two types of violence in sports: instrumental and reactive. Instrumental violence serves a "purpose" within a sport -- to deliberately change the momentum of a game or take out an opponent. Reactive violence is when a player or coach loses control of his/her frustration and anger and lashes out at someone else.

Sounds a little bit like the difference between the fact that we train our military in gun violence (instrumental) and the ever-increasing occurrences of gun violence by frustrated, angry, sometimes mentally ill, people (reactive). At least with gun violence, one version serves a purpose. I'm not sure how either serve a meaningful purpose within sports.

When an athlete displays reactive violence by causing a fight, taking a cheap shot with the intent to injure, or verbally abusing an opponent, he or she is acting on the basic feeling of powerlessness.

Yes, powerlessness.

The build-up of frustration because the player can't control the official's calls, the opponents strong defense, a teammate's bungled play, or a coach's decision about playing time can erupt with lightning speed and with sometimes terrible consequences, ranging from penalties to life-changing injuries. All because a kid feels like he didn't get a fair shot.

Don't we also hear time and time again that gun violence is perpetrated by people who feel powerless? By kids or adults who were bullied in school, marginalized socially, and who suffered from feeling unloved? By newer, weaker gang members who have to participate in violence or risk bringing it on themselves or their families?

Then there's the whole question of our society glamorizing violence. There are many hundreds of "hardest hit" or "best fight" clips shown on sports channels. Many of those athletes best known for their in-game violence (Derek Boogard, Junior Seau, etc.) were revered and paid handsomely for their aggression. Unfortunately, those particular athletes paid for that aggression with their lives, later. In terms of gun violence, how many movies, video games, and television shows are shoot-em-ups? A lot, I know, because there are stacks of them at my house, too.

Part of the mission of CHILL Manager is to promote sportsmanship. Part of promoting sportsmanship is taking on the challenge of reducing violence. But here's a sad truth from Mr. Abdal-Haqq:

"...these negative outcomes of sports involvement are caused by adults, particularly parents and coaches. Lip-service is paid to sportsmanship and having fun, but rewards are reserved for winning. Often, encouragement to pursue victory is accompanied by direct and indirect signals that aggressive behavior is acceptable to achieve it. Hellstedt also suggests that anxiety about winning impedes performance and makes players more susceptible to injury. Physicians have noticed an increase in sports-related injuries in children (Hellstedt, p. 59).
http://www.ericdigests.org/pre-9214/sports.htm

I'm a season ticket holder for my local National Lacrosse League team, the Minnesota Swarm. Last year I nearly gave up my tickets for good because the violence on the turf was disgusting and I was embarrassed that I encourage kids and families to attend games. I tried to cover my daughter's eyes during one game because the punching and blood-spattering was sickening and at least at the level of an R-rated movie. The team finished strong, though, and my resolve to take a stand weakened. I paid lip-service, but didn't follow through because it was fun to watch the team win.

This year, I attended a game and there was a first-time spectator sitting behind me. The entire game he yelled at the players when they backed off from the fight. "I want my money back," he said one time, only half-joking. But later, "There you go, hit him--kill him!" he said when a fight finally broke out for good. And he wasn't the only one. Little kids in the crowd chanted "Fight! Fight! Fight!" as the punches were thrown and cheered wildly for the players who trotted off to the penalty boxes. I wondered, again, how it is that even little kids think it's great to encourage people to fight.

People who know me know that I hate the fighting in sports. I joke with them that I'm just not wired with that code. Sometimes I joke that it's a "man gene," even though that's not fair to many men I know. Sometimes I blame it on being a mom because I don't want my sons to think that violence is the answer when they're frustrated (so far, so good) and I don't want my daughter to become so immune to violence that she doesn't know when to escape from it. But mostly, the violence just scares me.

I don't think I'm a lone voice, though. And I no longer think I need to make excuses for my reticence to accept violence in the sports experiences that are supposed to shape our youth into responsible, contributing adults.

So what are the "devastating outcomes" of not addressing violence? In sports, it's physical injury, psychological injury, and disconnection from community. In the world of gun violence...sadly, we know all too well what those outcomes look like. Is the result of not dealing with sports violence partly to blame for gun violence? That's probably not out of the realm of possibility.

There may not be a million moms (or dads) out there who agree with me, but surely there are one or two. Are you one? If so, join me in the conversation.

Arts vs. Sports

Do you live in a family that values sports over the Arts? I'm fortunate that my family had a strong tradition in both, so I never felt pulled toward one or the other. Even now, I feel a good balance between them and have tried to instill that in my kids.

I knew a family once, though, that would have probably felt a little bit like the couple above, had any of their children decided to go into music or art or drama.

How do you feel about the Arts versus sports? Do you think one is more valuable than the other? If so, why? Leave your thoughts below, or chime in at www.chillmanager.org (Parent Pulse).

Parent-Coach Pitfalls

Have you had the opportunity burden obligation privilege...

Have you ever coached your kid? What was your experience like? What was the best part of it...and was there a worst part?

My daughter has asked me to coach her lacrosse team this year. I've never coached my own kid...any pointers, parent-coaches? :-)

Let me know what you think in the comment section below!

Too Much Fame and Fortune

I bet a lot of kids dream of rolling in the dough, gold rings, fast cars, and private jets...all for playing a sport they love (or playing in a band named after themselves).

But each step toward great fame and fortune brings with it accompanying privacy and security issues. It's almost as if the more someone belongs to the world, the smaller their personal world becomes. Celebrithetes are hounded by paparazzi, just like other celebrities.

How far would you encourage your kid to go to seek the pinnacle of his or her sports accomplishments?

Second Place--Not the Worst Place in the World

Yesterday, I was at Target and saw a t-shirt that said, "There is no 2nd place." That's odd, I thought. If there was a winner, didn't there have to be a loser (or more politically correct, a non-winner)? ;-)

Everyone likes to win. But it isn't always possible, which explains things like no-score games, participation ribbons, etc. But I think a balance has to be struck. It makes as little sense to have high school varsity games end with juice boxes and purple "Great Job" stickers as it does to have a national tournament for first-graders.

Younger kids, just learning a sport and (more importantly) learning what it's like to be on a team, need to be encouraged to like what they're doing. It's not fun to miss a catch 100 times in a row or hit off a tee because you can't get the bat around fast enough on the coach's pitch -- especially when there's a butterfly hovering over the bench or somebody's little sister just pooped her diaper. But if the overall experience is fun, kids may stick with sports past the age of 13, which is the age by which approximately 70% of kids have dropped out.

** When I started playing softball at age 10, which is arguably later than most kids start sports these days, I was assigned deep center field. Nearly every inning I was out there, I picked dandelions and made up stories about what was happening with all the kids on the bases. I didn't get yelled at, though, and I have no memory whatsoever how that team did. I just remember thinking, "I'd rather be where some of the action is," and so I worked a little harder.

In addition, I think it's okay to avoid the winner-takes-all (and WAAC) messages when kids are little. They don't need to be THE BEST 6-year-old flag football team. They really don't. They need to be the team that has the best time and learns how to play.

As kids mature, though, and their athletic skills improve, they need to know that 2nd place isn't the end of their lives; it's an opportunity for improvement. Second place isn't anything to scoff at, even when only two teams are playing. I haven't followed American Idol in years, but it seems to me that for awhile the 2nd place winners had the better record contracts...any AI fans out there who can corroborate that? Second place doesn't doom someone to failure unless the expectations are too high.

Why isn't 2nd place so bad? Because at least the kids are out there, presumably having fun. There's only something wrong with 2nd place if we teach the kids that there is. Just like there's only something wrong with throwing off-footed if...well...

BUT even more than 2nd place being not bad, why is 2nd place essential? Second place doesn't exist just so 1st place can lord it over someone. Second place is essential to kids learning how to lose gracefully, congratulate a worthy opponent, take stock of how they could have done things differently, and grow together as a team. In individual sports, 2nd place is essential for all the same reasons except instead of growing together as team, maybe the athletes grow with a coach.

Although the cartoon at the beginning of this post is sarcastic, there is reason to accept something less than #1, if you've given it your all. And, sorry Target, there really is a second place, and as a parent, I'm glad for it.

What do you think? Is there value in 2nd place or does that teach kids not to try very hard? Leave your comments below or on our Facebook page: CHILL Manager Sportsmanship in the Real World.

Also, follow us on Twitter: @CHILL_Manager
And check out our website: www.chillmanager.org

See you around!